Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Aum Jarim: A woman married to a soul who only knew when he is going to die.

Aum Dechen Choden, 29, who lives in a small wooden house just below my one roomed apartment, is a beautiful woman. I often flirtingly call her Aum Jarim. Is not that I call every women I meet as Aum Jarim, every nanny I talk to as Angay Jarim and every spinster who tickles my fancy as Boom Jarim. But a lot of consideration goes in naming them. It wasn’t to impress them though but to uphold the beauty of women.

Aum Jarim (Dechen Choden) at work.
Boom Jarim(Ugyen Lhamo, 27) is a spinster who lives in a hamlet just 20 minutes walk from my place with whom the villagers lovingly tease me and cajole me to marry her...they usually hyperlink the story of the Bhutanese blockbuster Seday in which a school teacher falls in love with a village girl.  And Angay Jarim( Chorten zam, 68) is a grandmother who lives in another hamlet which is 40 minutes walk. These three ladies share qualities that I adore the most in a woman. They are shy, disciplined, considered, strong and awesomely beautiful. And interestingly, they don’t drink too unlike other ladies here. This makes my heart to adore them even more.

Aum Dechen Choden is such a woman whom I admire the most among my Jarims. Now don’t adulterate the former line. I just adore her for the way she has been carrying herself before and after her husband’s death. I have found her being shy on occasions when village elders share some dirty talks with her. And I have seen her not at all enjoying it, like some do, and leaving the scene without saying a word. She talks less and she doesn’t have an eye on me or any other man.
The night their father left them.
( That night Karma was constantly asking about her father to her bereaved mother)

She has two wonderful daughters and a handsome son. Her son Tshering Gyeltshen is in class Three, the elder daughter Sonam Deki is in class One and their younger sister Karma Yangchen is in class PP.     

Her husband Sonam Tshering, the poor soul, was tall and muscular man. I was told by my house-owner’s wife Aum Tshedrup Wangmo that he had spent most of his marriage life in Thimphu enjoying the city life there than with his wife and children at home here.  She added that he used to pay a short visit but it has been more than three years since his last departure. Apart from sending a few thousand Ngultrums a year he couldn’t do anything else. He was also unavailable at the time when she gave birth to their third child. What else can be so heartbreaking for a wife than to realize that her husband is far away unknown and bother less of her giving birth to their own baby? He was a man who nobody wanted as a husband. He didn’t even have a regular job. Whatever amount he earned to live his otherwise poise life in the most expensive city was by setting up stalls and selling plastic goodies on festivals especially tsechus held across the country. He was basically a small merchant who was homeless as well as heartless.

 I first saw Sonam Tshering on February of this year. He was here after three long years. He was standing in front of a small bamboo hut where his wife and children use to live. I wondered how they had spent their nights for so many years in that small hut. Because the walls were so thin that chilly wind easily got in. Her children didn’t have warmer clothes to wear. They didn’t have enough blankets to cover themselves and so they all had to warm themselves sitting around a fire before they retire to their beds. My visit to her place had been always filled with sad memories.

But things started to change drastically after the father’s “holy” return to his house. Few days after his arrival he and his father in- law started to build their present house. The house is much warmer and spacious compared to their old bamboo hut. The kitchen utensils and blankets also increased in number. New cotton/woolen clothes for kids and a warm coat for his beautiful wife. Imported Rice cooker, water boiler and curry cooker which were considered luxury before soon occupied the shelves in their new house. A gas cylinder and a stove were also bought by her husband. The life of Aum Jarim and her three children soon became more comfortable. Aum Jarim happily once said that the gasoline stove has helped her make tea faster for occasional visitors like me.  
The Father helped build this wooden house. (Backdrop: The old bamboo hut)

Gradually the cheap and bad reputation of the father soon begins to fade away. Frequent Kow kow (local word for gossip) among elderly women regarding him proved that he has won the hearts and respect of the community.

But the goodness was too good to last long. On his last journey as a shopkeeper in the recent Yunphula Tsechu he was taken to Trashigang hospital by his friends where he took his last breath.

What I learnt from this story is that Sonam Tshering’s soul knew he was going to die soon. So he came back to his house, to his wife, to his children just to provide them with all necessary things before he depart for his heavenly HOME. 


  1. oh!! what a sad story..may be he was working day and night to provide what you mentioned, not that he had abandoned them ...

  2. It was interesting to know that you are enjoying the atmosphere out there. But how sad that one of the Bum Jarim had to bear the loss of her husband. Wish the one who are living to live a satisfactory life and the wandering soul to rest in peace.

    Thoughtful post!!!

  3. Thank you sangay Cholden and Yeesi7...
    hey, some people really know when they r going to die...for instance my maternal grand father had said that he will die soon while he was chopping a pile of fire wood..and my uncles and mom were strictly instructed not to use the firewood that he has chopped for anything but in his funeral fire...a week later he passed away...

  4. I am sure he iz in heaven... sometimes goodness cant be seen with naked eyes... people deserve more... That person went to heaven just after he turned his home into heaven... :) I salute him

  5. wow beautifully narrated and yet another tale of beautiful woman by soul and physical...and its show how brave our woman are..

  6. @Imdiya...yes he must be in heaven for the last minute deeds he manage to do...Thank you for ur comment...

    @Bunu Tamang...Thank you for your sweet comment..i m motivated...want to write some more in the same line.....

  7. How would I follow this blog... I dont see any option???

  8. Good to know that the man was able to help his family before his death.

    Wishing the women and her children all the best!

    and.. thanks for sharing this emotive story.

  9. @ Imdiyu..thank you once again...please login and be the member of the blog...

    @Kushalashok..Thank you for ur comment...pls keeping visiting....

  10. Wow.. That is a very sad and touching story. And ya I appreciate your Aum Jarim for her deeds to their children though their father was not available.

  11. aiiii so sad reality....happinese florish with aum jarim always...

  12. This is something that I want to write in my own words, but you brought a good, very touching real life story for us. That's the beauty of serving in remotes. What I like most about the story is that you have added all village masala into your story. That's why your story (even other posts) looks uniquely different, creative, beautiful and original. Nice one. Keep posting. I envy you for you could narrate this story so masterfully.

  13. An interesting story, owing to our Blogger network, now we are able to hear different stories from different part of the country and thats a awesome taste for us. Your blog is so interesting and hoping to hear more such stories from the east.

  14. To Rikku sir and Leoparsica sir..its a great pleasure for me to have people like you(experienced and most sought after bloggers) comment on my post...Thank you once again beyond universe....

  15. it is impossible to judge the the person. so he proved he love his family at last..

  16. this is lobsang .. the guy frm N.P. .. hope u remember me...~Sometimes holding all the feelings inside is easier than trying to explain the pain~ very emotional... never knew u write so well... keep up the good work.. and give my warm regards to... Aum

  17. its a heart touching story...very emotional ,very unique with lots of feelings...beautiful pictures ...well done sir. keep it up.@durga

  18. a twsit but heavenly ending...


  19. well written....sad story but still has the power to make me happy....:)


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